Thursday, July 11, 2013

11 year old runs from home to escape marriage: "I'm not an item for sale."

By Alaa Al-Eryani- Sanaa

It has been five years since the young girl Nujood Ali escaped from home and went to court to demand divorce. The story of Nujood's bravery inspired us all and gave hope to other young girls who were in similar situations. Today, another girl called Nada Al-Ahdal, breaks the silence by taking her story out to the world when she decided to run away from home as soon as she found out her family was to marry her off to a man she did not even know. 



Nada Al-Ahdal, 11 years old, fled from home after she was told she was going to get married.

Nada's story goes back to when she was 6 years old. At that time, her uncle, who did not have any children and lived with his aging mother and another of his nephews, expressed to her parents his wish to take her to live with him in which they agreed. And so, Nada lived with her uncle in the capital city Sana’a, and paid a few visits to her parents in occasions and holidays. A month ago, her family asked to have Nada for a visit only to say a few days later that they were keeping her. "They told my uncle that they wanted me back. He couldn't do anything about it, they're my parents. So he let them have me," Nada explains.

Being back with her parents after 5 years of separation was so difficult for Nada. The estranged girl was getting very uncomfortable with the different and, as she expressed, "bad" environment there in which everyone, including children, was just chewing Qat and smoking shisha all the time. When Nada tried to ask to go back to her uncle, she was shocked with the news that she was getting married to a man who lived in Saudi Arabia. "They told me that I am engaged and that my fiancé had already paid them money and brought the engagement ring, so there is no way back. They said that I couldn't leave and even threatened to kill me if I went back to my uncle."

However, the young brave girl was not intimidated at all by her family's threats. She was determined to get out of there no matter the consequences. "I decided that I have two choices: to leave or to die. So I chose the first," Nada says. On 7th of July, the morning after Nada knew the startling news about her marriage, she decided to run away while everyone was still asleep. She went to her uncle's house but he was not there and didn't pick up the phone when she tried to call. Since Nada is a singer in a band, she called her band manager, Abduljabbar Ziad, who was in the city of Hodeida, and told him the situation. Not knowing what to do, her manager immediately sent for someone to take the girl from Sana'a and bring her to Hodeida.  

After her uncle learned of Nada’s disappearance, he posted her picture on Facebook with a message asking people to look around for her and to call him if they find out anything. Then when Nada connected to her Facebook she saw her uncle’s post and sent to him a message explaining what happened. As soon as the uncle knew what had happened and that Nada was in fact with her manager Abduljabbar, he went and took her from Hodeida back to Sana’a. Later on Nada and her uncle discovered that her parents have issued a statement that their daughter had been kidnapped by her uncle. "They said that my uncle kidnapped me but it's not true, I am the one who ran away."

"I want to continue my education and live my life. I have many dreams, I don't want to be married now. My mother hates me, she just wants me to get married because she will get money from the man. But I'm not an item for sale, I'm a human being and I would rather die than get married at this age," explains Nada, with frustration.



Nada Al-Ahdal with her uncle Abdulsalam al-Ahdal



After Nada's escape, her uncle seemed very determined to keep her safe from the death threats and the marriage that her parents are imposing on her. "I'm glad that she is safe now. I'm not fighting for her custody against her parents; all I want is just for her to be safe no matter who she's living with," he said, "Both Nada and I have faced death threats from her family and I'm worried about her safety."

When asked if she was scared or not Nada answered: "I'm scared but I know as long as I have my uncle by my side, I will be safe."

After a long struggle, Nada’s uncle took her to the Ministry of Interior’s family protection department to carry out investigations on her parent’s allegations. It was discovered that no kidnapping took place and that Nada’s story was in fact true: she was to be wed against her will.

Later on, on 13th of July, her father admitted everything and signed papers to give her uncle full custody and cancel all marriage arrangements. Nada’s mother however, is still resistant to do as the father and still denies Nada's story calling her and her uncle liars. She still does not agree to cancel any marriage arrangements and is trying to cancel the agreement that the father made at the Ministry of Interior so that she can have Nada back and go on with the marriage. “My mother is still threatening to take me by force. She is still very angry but I hope with time she will calm down.” Nada said, “Mom, I hope that you one day love me as much as I love you.”

Saturday, February 23, 2013

ظاهرة التحرش الجنسي بالمرأة


لقد اصبحت ظاهرة التحرش الجنسى متفشية جداً فى المجتمع وأصبحنا دائماً ما نسمع شكاوى النساء عن التحرش الذي يتعرضن له سواء بالقول أو الفعل. 

غالباً ما تختلط المفاهيم حول التحرش الجنسي وما إذا كان يتضمن القول والفعل أو الفعل فقط (اللمس وما يتعدى ذلك). ومن خلال ملاحظاتي ونقاشاتي مع الكثير من الشباب والشابات، وجدت أن الكثير منهم يرى أن التحرش الجنسي هو "اللمس"، ولا يعتقد أن المعاكسات أو الكلام يعتبر تحرش جنسي. ولاحظت أيضاً من الشباب من أرتعب من كلمة "تحرش" وأصبح يدافع عن نفسه ويقول "أنا صحيح أعاكس البنات أحياناً لكني لست متحرش! هذا ليس تحرش!". أحب أن أقول لك أخي المعاكس المغازل أو الذي يحب أن يغمز أو يرقم أو غيره، أنت متحرش! وتحرشك هذا هو انتهاك لحقوق الانسان وهو جريمة بحق المرأة المتحرش بها. وهو أولاً وأخيراً فعل منافي للدين والأخلاق.

ولكي لا يقول الرجال أني فقط أجرمهم أو أتهمهم بالتحرش الجنسي وهم ليسوا متحرشين وإنما فقط "معاكسين"، دعونا نرى معاً ما معنى كلمة "تحرش". التحرش هو "أي مضايقة أو فعل غير مرحب به". وبالتالي كما ترون التحرش لا يتضمن فقط اللمس وإنما هو أي مضايقة سواء كانت فعل أو قول. والتحرش الجنسي يعرفه المركز المصري لحقوق المرأة بأنه " كل سلوك غير لائق له طبيعة جنسية يضايق المرأة أو يعطيها إحساس بعدم الأمان". ولذلك أي مضايقة فيها طابع جنسي هي تحرش جنسي وللأسف نجد هذه الظاهرة كثيراً في مجتمعنا ولا يرى الناس أهميتها ومدى تأثيرها على المرأة وعلى قدرتها على ممارسة حياتها بشكل طبيعي.


ما هي أسباب التحرش؟



مع اختلاف مفاهيم التحرش الجنسي لدى الناس، تختلف أيضاً الأسباب في أنظارهم. لكني من خلال بحثي وملاحظاتي أرى أن الأسباب الأساسية للتحرش هي كالتالي:

- الأخلاق

انعدام الأخلاق الكريمة التي يجب أن يتصف بها كل مسلم ومسلمة وهي غالباً ما تأتي بسبب التربية التي نشأ عليها المتحرش التي قد تكون في بيئة منزلية أو مجتمعية عنيفة وعدائية ولم تقوم على أسس دينية وأخلاقية.

- القيم الاجتماعية

في مجتمع ذكوري كمجتمعنا ينشأ فيه الرجال على قيم خاطئة تعلمهم أن الرجل أرفع مقاماً من المرأة وأن المرأة خلقت فقط لمتعته وخدمته. مثل هذه القيم تقوم بتجسيد المرأة والتقليل من انسانيتها ورفع الرجل في مقام عالي مما يعطيه الحرية في ممارسة رجولته أو سلطته عليها والتحرش بها.

- عدم وجود عقوبة

ضمان المتحرش بأنه لن يحاسب ولن يلومه أحد على تحرشه لأن اللوم دائماً وأبداً ما يلقى على المرأة إذا تحرش رجل ما بها وتصبح عرضة للإتهامات بأنها هى الغير محترمة وأنها من أثارته. وأيضاً عدم وجود عقوبات خاصة لمعاقبة المتحرش على فعلته مما يعطيه حرية في ممارسة التحرش باطمئنان.


ما هي آثار التحرش؟


قد تتعرض المرأة للتحرش في أي مكان سواء كان في المدرسة، الجامعة، العمل، الشارع أو غيره. وقد يكون المتحرش زميل، معلم، أحد الأقارب، أو ناس غرباء. و التحرش الجنسي غالباً ما يأثر على الضحية ويكون تأثيره نفسياً أو اجتماعياً أو أكاديمياً أو مهنياً الخ. ومن هذه الآثار:

- الإجهاد النفسي.
- تدهور الأداء المهني أو الدراسي وارتفاع نسبة الغياب خوفاً من تكرار التحرش (اذا كان في العمل أو الجامعة أو المدرسة).
- اضطرار المرأة للجلوس في البيت والامتناع عن الخروج وعن العمل خوفاً من التحرش الذي قد تتعرض له.
- لوم المرأة الضحية واذلالها عن طريق القيل والقال وتخريب سمعتها. فتصبح الضحية هي المتهمة وتتعرض للنقد والهجوم والحكم عليها وعلى اخلاقها وتصرفاتها وطريقة لبسها.
- قد تفقد المرأة ثقتها بأي بيئة مماثلة للبيئة التي تعرضت للتحرش بها وبالتالي يصعب عليها ممارسة حياتها بشكل طبيعي.
- التحرش له تأثير كبير على المجتمع ككل بحيث أنه يحد من تطور المرأة ومشاركتها للرجل في العمل وفي بناء المجتمع.


الحل؟

وهنا يأتي السؤال، كيف يمكننا أن نجد حل جذري لهذه الظاهرة؟ وهل وجود قانون معاقبة يكفي للحد منها؟
برأيي إلى جانب وجود قانون صارم وآلية تبليغ عن التحرش، يجب أن ننشر الوعي في المجتمع عن التحرش الجنسي وعن أهمية إيقافه والابلاغ عنه وأيضاً نشر الوعي عن مكانة المرأة في المجتمع، وعدم تربية الأطفال على عدم احترام الفتيات وعلى أن الفتاة دائماً هي في مقام أقل من الولد.

يجب أن نقل لا للتحرش!


 
أطلقت منظمة "سماء" مؤخراً حملة ضد التحرش الجنسي بالمرأة في اليمن وهي حملة لوم الضحية نصف الجريمة والتي أتوقع لها نجاح كبير. انضموا إلى الصفحة وشاركوا بآرائكم ومقترحاتكم لنتمكن كلنا كمجتمع من ايقاف التحرش الجنسي وإيجاد حلول له، لتمكين المرأة من ممارسة حياتها بشكل طبيعي.

Thursday, January 24, 2013

I'm not candy, and men aren't flies

First off before you continue to read this, I would like to make it clear that I am NOT against Hijab and that this blog entry is NOT about whether wearing Hijab is a must or not. We are all entitled to our own beliefs. This is not a religious blog, here I'm only stating my opinions about social practices, sayings, and beliefs (which could be related to religious issues).


We always hear stories and phrases about how a woman should cover up. Some of these stories and phrases are really outraging and disrespectful to both men and women. And the problem is, many Muslims use these phrases, share it with others, and even use it in campaigns to show how covering up is great, without realizing that these ideas are suggesting the exact opposite and are not in anyway showing the real treatment of women in Islam. 

"A guy asked a Muslim: Why do your women cover up their body and hair? The Muslim guy smiled and got two sweets, he opened the first one and kept the other one closed. He threw them both on the dusty floor and asked the guy: If I asked you to take one of the sweets which one you will choose? The guy replied: The covered one. Then the Muslim said that's how we treat and see our women." 


The story above is just totally the wrong way to tell a non-Muslim how women are treated in Islam. In fact, if anything it only shows that Muslim men are very disrespectful to Muslim women. The story suggests that Muslim men think of women as an object, candy, just a 'treat' to be enjoyed. I really don't understand how the story shows the point of Hijab. Women aren't things that are used or consumed by men, and they certainly shouldn't be thrown on dusty floor! I honestly think that trying to explain the point of Hijab by talking about throwing candy in the dirt is exactly why the rest of the world thinks that Islam is disrespectful to women! That is really unfortunate, we need to use better analogies when trying to explain something about Islam if we really want non-Muslims to truly understand how great our religion is.

Another phrase that has totally outraged me is: "A woman is like candy, if you remove the wrapper the flies will swarm around her."

I am not candy, and men aren't flies. This analogy suggests that a woman is candy, and an uncovered woman is candy that will attract filthy flies around her. I think this is very disrespectful to both men and women! I am not candy, because the only use of candy is to be consumed and enjoyed. I am a human being and Allah didn't create me just for the man's pleasure. And men aren't flies, flies are insects for god's sake! I don't understand how, to many people, these kinds of phrases aren't insulting. How can a man describe himself as an insect and describe women as objects and be proud of it?

I wear the Hijab and I am very proud of that. But I don't think that an uncovered woman is 'unclean'! And I refuse to be referred to as candy! And I certainly refuse that men are referred to as flies or insects!