11 year old runs from home to escape marriage: "I'm not an item for sale."

By Alaa Al-Eryani- Sanaa

It has been five years since the young girl Nujood Ali escaped from home and went to court to demand divorce. The story of Nujood's bravery inspired us all and gave hope to other young girls who were in similar situations. Today, another girl called Nada Al-Ahdal, breaks the silence by taking her story out to the world when she decided to run away from home as soon as she found out her family was to marry her off to a man she did not even know. 

Nada Al-Ahdal, 11 years old, fled from home after she was told she was going to get married.

Nada's story goes back to when she was 6 years old. At that time, her uncle, who did not have any children and lived with his aging mother and another of his nephews, expressed to her parents his wish to take her to live with him in which they agreed. And so, Nada lived with her uncle in the capital city Sana’a, and paid a few visits to her parents in occasions and holidays. A month ago, her family asked to have Nada for a visit only to say a few days later that they were keeping her. "They told my uncle that they wanted me back. He couldn't do anything about it, they're my parents. So he let them have me," Nada explains.

Being back with her parents after 5 years of separation was so difficult for Nada. The estranged girl was getting very uncomfortable with the different and, as she expressed, "bad" environment there in which everyone, including children, was just chewing Qat and smoking shisha all the time. When Nada tried to ask to go back to her uncle, she was shocked with the news that she was getting married to a man who lived in Saudi Arabia. "They told me that I am engaged and that my fiancé had already paid them money and brought the engagement ring, so there is no way back. They said that I couldn't leave and even threatened to kill me if I went back to my uncle."

However, the young brave girl was not intimidated at all by her family's threats. She was determined to get out of there no matter the consequences. "I decided that I have two choices: to leave or to die. So I chose the first," Nada says. On 7^th of July, the morning after Nada knew the startling news about her marriage, she decided to run away while everyone was still asleep. She went to her uncle's house but he was not there and didn't pick up the phone when she tried to call. Since Nada is a singer in a band, she called her band manager, Abduljabbar Ziad, who was in the city of Hodeida, and told him the situation. Not knowing what to do, her manager immediately sent for someone to take the girl from Sana'a and bring her to Hodeida.  

After her uncle learned of Nada’s disappearance, he posted her picture on Facebook with a message asking people to look around for her and to call him if they find out anything. Then when Nada connected to her Facebook she saw her uncle’s post and sent to him a message explaining what happened. As soon as the uncle knew what had happened and that Nada was in fact with her manager Abduljabbar, he went and took her from Hodeida back to Sana’a. Later on Nada and her uncle discovered that her parents have issued a statement that their daughter had been kidnapped by her uncle. "They said that my uncle kidnapped me but it's not true, I am the one who ran away."

"I want to continue my education and live my life. I have many dreams, I don't want to be married now. My mother hates me, she just wants me to get married because she will get money from the man. But I'm not an item for sale, I'm a human being and I would rather die than get married at this age," explains Nada, with frustration.

Nada Al-Ahdal with her uncle Abdulsalam al-Ahdal

After Nada's escape, her uncle seemed very determined to keep her safe from the death threats and the marriage that her parents are imposing on her. "I'm glad that she is safe now. I'm not fighting for her custody against her parents; all I want is just for her to be safe no matter who she's living with," he said, "Both Nada and I have faced death threats from her family and I'm worried about her safety."

When asked if she was scared or not Nada answered: "I'm scared but I know as long as I have my uncle by my side, I will be safe."

After a long struggle, Nada’s uncle took her to the Ministry of Interior’s family protection department to carry out investigations on her parent’s allegations. It was discovered that no kidnapping took place and that Nada’s story was in fact true: she was to be wed against her will.

Later on, on 13^th of July, her father admitted everything and signed papers to give her uncle full custody and cancel all marriage arrangements. Nada’s mother however, is still resistant to do as the father and still denies Nada's story calling her and her uncle liars. She still does not agree to cancel any marriage arrangements and is trying to cancel the agreement that the father made at the Ministry of Interior so that she can have Nada back and go on with the marriage. “My mother is still threatening to take me by force. She is still very angry but I hope with time she will calm down.” Nada said, “Mom, I hope that you one day love me as much as I love you.”

ظاهرة التحرش الجنسي بالمرأة

لقد اصبحت ظاهرة التحرش الجنسى متفشية جداً فى المجتمع وأصبحنا دائماً ما نسمع شكاوى النساء عن التحرش الذي يتعرضن له سواء بالقول أو الفعل. 

غالباً ما تختلط المفاهيم حول التحرش الجنسي وما إذا كان يتضمن القول والفعل أو الفعل فقط (اللمس وما يتعدى ذلك). ومن خلال ملاحظاتي ونقاشاتي مع الكثير من الشباب والشابات، وجدت أن الكثير منهم يرى أن التحرش الجنسي هو "اللمس"، ولا يعتقد أن المعاكسات أو الكلام يعتبر تحرش جنسي. ولاحظت أيضاً من الشباب من أرتعب من كلمة "تحرش" وأصبح يدافع عن نفسه ويقول "أنا صحيح أعاكس البنات أحياناً لكني لست متحرش! هذا ليس تحرش!". أحب أن أقول لك أخي المعاكس المغازل أو الذي يحب أن يغمز أو يرقم أو غيره، أنت متحرش! وتحرشك هذا هو انتهاك لحقوق الانسان وهو جريمة بحق المرأة المتحرش بها. وهو أولاً وأخيراً فعل منافي للدين والأخلاق.

ولكي لا يقول الرجال أني فقط أجرمهم أو أتهمهم بالتحرش الجنسي وهم ليسوا متحرشين وإنما فقط "معاكسين"، دعونا نرى معاً ما معنى كلمة "تحرش". التحرش هو "أي مضايقة أو فعل غير مرحب به". وبالتالي كما ترون التحرش لا يتضمن فقط اللمس وإنما هو أي مضايقة سواء كانت فعل أو قول. والتحرش الجنسي يعرفه المركز المصري لحقوق المرأة بأنه " كل سلوك غير لائق له طبيعة جنسية يضايق المرأة أو يعطيها إحساس بعدم الأمان". ولذلك أي مضايقة فيها طابع جنسي هي تحرش جنسي وللأسف نجد هذه الظاهرة كثيراً في مجتمعنا ولا يرى الناس أهميتها ومدى تأثيرها على المرأة وعلى قدرتها على ممارسة حياتها بشكل طبيعي.

ما هي أسباب التحرش؟

مع اختلاف مفاهيم التحرش الجنسي لدى الناس، تختلف أيضاً الأسباب في أنظارهم. لكني من خلال بحثي وملاحظاتي أرى أن الأسباب الأساسية للتحرش هي كالتالي:

- الأخلاق

انعدام الأخلاق الكريمة التي يجب أن يتصف بها كل مسلم ومسلمة وهي غالباً ما تأتي بسبب التربية التي نشأ عليها المتحرش التي قد تكون في بيئة منزلية أو مجتمعية عنيفة وعدائية ولم تقوم على أسس دينية وأخلاقية.

- القيم الاجتماعية

في مجتمع ذكوري كمجتمعنا ينشأ فيه الرجال على قيم خاطئة تعلمهم أن الرجل أرفع مقاماً من المرأة وأن المرأة خلقت فقط لمتعته وخدمته. مثل هذه القيم تقوم بتجسيد المرأة والتقليل من انسانيتها ورفع الرجل في مقام عالي مما يعطيه الحرية في ممارسة رجولته أو سلطته عليها والتحرش بها.

- عدم وجود عقوبة

ضمان المتحرش بأنه لن يحاسب ولن يلومه أحد على تحرشه لأن اللوم دائماً وأبداً ما يلقى على المرأة إذا تحرش رجل ما بها وتصبح عرضة للإتهامات بأنها هى الغير محترمة وأنها من أثارته. وأيضاً عدم وجود عقوبات خاصة لمعاقبة المتحرش على فعلته مما يعطيه حرية في ممارسة التحرش باطمئنان.

ما هي آثار التحرش؟

قد تتعرض المرأة للتحرش في أي مكان سواء كان في المدرسة، الجامعة، العمل، الشارع أو غيره. وقد يكون المتحرش زميل، معلم، أحد الأقارب، أو ناس غرباء. و التحرش الجنسي غالباً ما يأثر على الضحية ويكون تأثيره نفسياً أو اجتماعياً أو أكاديمياً أو مهنياً الخ. ومن هذه الآثار:

- الإجهاد النفسي.

- تدهور الأداء المهني أو الدراسي وارتفاع نسبة الغياب خوفاً من تكرار التحرش (اذا كان في العمل أو الجامعة أو المدرسة).

- اضطرار المرأة للجلوس في البيت والامتناع عن الخروج وعن العمل خوفاً من التحرش الذي قد تتعرض له.

- لوم المرأة الضحية واذلالها عن طريق القيل والقال وتخريب سمعتها. فتصبح الضحية هي المتهمة وتتعرض للنقد والهجوم والحكم عليها وعلى اخلاقها وتصرفاتها وطريقة لبسها.

- قد تفقد المرأة ثقتها بأي بيئة مماثلة للبيئة التي تعرضت للتحرش بها وبالتالي يصعب عليها ممارسة حياتها بشكل طبيعي.

- التحرش له تأثير كبير على المجتمع ككل بحيث أنه يحد من تطور المرأة ومشاركتها للرجل في العمل وفي بناء المجتمع.

الحل؟

وهنا يأتي السؤال، كيف يمكننا أن نجد حل جذري لهذه الظاهرة؟ وهل وجود قانون معاقبة يكفي للحد منها؟

برأيي إلى جانب وجود قانون صارم وآلية تبليغ عن التحرش، يجب أن ننشر الوعي في المجتمع عن التحرش الجنسي وعن أهمية إيقافه والابلاغ عنه وأيضاً نشر الوعي عن مكانة المرأة في المجتمع، وعدم تربية الأطفال على عدم احترام الفتيات وعلى أن الفتاة دائماً هي في مقام أقل من الولد.

يجب أن نقل لا للتحرش!

 
أطلقت منظمة "سماء" مؤخراً حملة ضد التحرش الجنسي بالمرأة في اليمن وهي حملة لوم الضحية نصف الجريمة والتي أتوقع لها نجاح كبير. انضموا إلى الصفحة وشاركوا بآرائكم ومقترحاتكم لنتمكن كلنا كمجتمع من ايقاف التحرش الجنسي وإيجاد حلول له، لتمكين المرأة من ممارسة حياتها بشكل طبيعي.

I'm not candy, and men aren't flies

First off before you continue to read this, I would like to make it clear that I am NOT against Hijab and that this blog entry is NOT about whether wearing Hijab is a must or not. We are all entitled to our own beliefs. This is not a religious blog, here I'm only stating my opinions about social practices, sayings, and beliefs (which could be related to religious issues).


We always hear stories and phrases about how a woman should cover up. Some of these stories and phrases are really outraging and disrespectful to both men and women. And the problem is, many Muslims use these phrases, share it with others, and even use it in campaigns to show how covering up is great, without realizing that these ideas are suggesting the exact opposite and are not in anyway showing the real treatment of women in Islam. 

"A guy asked a Muslim: Why do your women cover up their body and hair? The Muslim guy smiled and got two sweets, he opened the first one and kept the other one closed. He threw them both on the dusty floor and asked the guy: If I asked you to take one of the sweets which one you will choose? The guy replied: The covered one. Then the Muslim said that's how we treat and see our women." 

The story above is just totally the wrong way to tell a non-Muslim how women are treated in Islam. In fact, if anything it only shows that Muslim men are very disrespectful to Muslim women. The story suggests that Muslim men think of women as an object, candy, just a 'treat' to be enjoyed. I really don't understand how the story shows the point of Hijab. Women aren't things that are used or consumed by men, and they certainly shouldn't be thrown on dusty floor! I honestly think that trying to explain the point of Hijab by talking about throwing candy in the dirt is exactly why the rest of the world thinks that Islam is disrespectful to women! That is really unfortunate, we need to use better analogies when trying to explain something about Islam if we really want non-Muslims to truly understand how great our religion is.

Another phrase that has totally outraged me is: "A woman is like candy, if you remove the wrapper the flies will swarm around her."

I am not candy, and men aren't flies. This analogy suggests that a woman is candy, and an uncovered woman is candy that will attract filthy flies around her. I think this is very disrespectful to both men and women! I am not candy, because the only use of candy is to be consumed and enjoyed. I am a human being and Allah didn't create me just for the man's pleasure. And men aren't flies, flies are insects for god's sake! I don't understand how, to many people, these kinds of phrases aren't insulting. How can a man describe himself as an insect and describe women as objects and be proud of it?

I wear the Hijab and I am very proud of that. But I don't think that an uncovered woman is 'unclean'! And I refuse to be referred to as candy! And I certainly refuse that men are referred to as flies or insects!

I wish to be a MAN

I have heard this sentence from so many of my woman friends. Hell even I have, on numerous occasions, said that I wished to be a man. Ever since I was a little kid, my girl friends and I have tried many times dressing up like boys and going out the streets to get a feeling of what it's like "to be free", and to be able to play outside. As girls, we weren't really allowed to be out in the streets, unlike our brothers, and so that always intrigued us.

To be honest, I don't blame any woman in our society for wishing to be a man. Why, you may ask? Because as we all know, most (not all) women in our society are taught to only be in the kitchen and at home in service of the man. While men can go out, work, drive, and contribute to the society, women should only stay at home, cook, clean, take care of the children, and then find the time to dress up and look pretty for their men! It is as if the woman was created just for the man, as if Allah swt created women only to look after men and help them feel comfortable and spoiled. And the worst part is, I have heard so many men say that they got married to relax! Because in their eyes, getting married means they can finally have someone who obeys them, cooks for them, cleans for them, looks after them, and lives just to see them happy. And no offense guys, but that is just sick. Us women don't get married so we can be at your service, we're not that generous and selfless... You should get married because you want a partner and companion, not a maid or a slave. You should get married because you want a mate to love, respect, advice, and share everything with.

Surprisingly, when I was thinking to write about this, I have happened to ask many of my girl friends whether or not they wished to be men and why. ALL of the answers came back with a YES, some of the reasons included:
- "To be freeeee. To be able to do whatever and go wherever without a care in the world! How awesome would that be!"
- "The responsibilities of a man are easier than that of a woman (even if they think otherwise) and that's why I would rather be a man."
- "To be able to do sports and travel around."
- "To make decisions and choices for myself."
- "To walk down the street and not be harassed by every man who walks by me."
- "Wow! I just imagined me being a man. Not having to wake up early to make breakfast, wake my husband up and get the kids dressed for school, clean the house, do laundry and ironing, cook lunch, wait for my husband and the kids to come back, make tea and desert in the afternoon, get dressed, sit with my husband for a while attending his needs, make dinner, wash the dishes, etc, etc!!! If I was a man, all I'd have to do is get up, go to work, come back for a ready meal, and then sit and relax or go out with friends! That would be amazing wallah!"

So after I heard so many statements from so many girls telling me how awesome it would be to be a man, I felt really sad honestly. Because it is not just men that made women's lives this way, it is us (women) too. We also believe that there are certain things we shouldn't do because we're 'women' and that there are certain things that we should do for men also because we're their 'women', and nothing is going to change unless we change that attitude.

So, today I have decided to make a pact with myself:

"I, Alaa Al-Eryani, hereby vow that I will always be proud to be a woman. I will break every rule and do whatever I want and I'm not going to care what others think or say. I'm going to walk down the street and no matter how many men throw awful words at me, I won't care. I'm going to make my own decisions and choices without the permission of a man. I am going to travel around, drive, work, and go out for a jog if I feel like it. I will even go out and play soccer with the kids in the street if I want to. I will be independent and in control of my own life. I will not allow any man to control me, or think for a second that my duty is to listen to him. I am free, and I will fight for women's freedom until we are equal to men."

Are you a feminist?

I live in a male dominant society, where women are regarded to be inferior to men, where they are considered to be a temptation that should be covered and put away, where they are forced to follow rules that diminish their rights and their chances to reach their full potential and contribute to the society. And the problem is, it's not only men who forced this environment on us, even women themselves see that they are different and that their only purpose in this life is to get married, reproduce, and stay at home. I have to say that not everyone is like that, there are many educated civilized people in this country who know that women and men should have equal rights because we're all human and that women should be able to engage in the community just like men do.

However, sometimes when I start letting out my anger about how women need to be equal to men, I keep being told that I'm sexist! And then it makes me even more outraged that people tend to define feminism in a strange way when it simply means freedom and equality for women. It does not mean that I am against men or that I think women are superior to them. In fact being a feminist means that I am against sexism because I call out for equality.

And so, being a feminist is not really anything to be ashamed of. Aren't you a human being? Don't you think that we are all human beings who were born equal and should get the same opportunities? Don't you believe that women should have the same rights that men do? Don't you think that women have the right to make their own decisions and actions just like men do? If yes, then you are a feminist.

I believe that men and women should have equal rights, and I will fight for what I believe!

Welcome

My name is Alaa (آلاء) and I'm a rebellious woman. I am against traditions, stereotypes, and society rules that are imposed on us under no basis or logical ground. I have decided that I am free, independent, self-reliant, and that no one can have control over my life and what I do. I am not going to allow anyone to bring me down or simply tell me that "I can't", because I can and I will <3

For so long I've been wanting to start a blog and now I have finally done it. This blog is going to be a mirror to my mind and thoughts and everyone is welcome to read! :)